‘I know exactly what to do. I just can’t stick to it.’ I hear some version of that sentence more than almost any other. People are rarely short of information about food. What they are short of is a way to keep acting on it once the first burst of motivation fades, and they are baffled by the part of them that seems to undo their own good work.
Most people call it self-sabotage, a word that makes it sound as if you are your own enemy. In my experience it is more useful to see it as a part of you with its own reasons, reasons you have not yet listened to. Once you understand them, motivation stops being something you have to whip up every Monday.
What self-sabotage is usually protecting
Self-sabotage rarely comes out of nowhere. Often it follows a stretch of being very strict. You push hard for a while, the pressure builds, and then a part of you calls time with a takeaway or a night on the biscuits. From the outside it looks like weakness. From the inside, that part may be trying to stop you burning out.
Other times it is about deserving. If, deep down, you do not feel you deserve to look after yourself well, every good stretch feels slightly wrong, and old habits pull you back to what feels familiar. You might notice a ‘yeah, but’ voice: yeah, but I always fail, yeah, but it won’t last, yeah, but now is not the right time.
And sometimes the reasons for changing are simply too thin. Wanting to fit an outfit for one event, or to please someone else, can get you started. It rarely keeps you going on a wet Tuesday when nobody is watching. Some signs worth noticing:
- A strict stretch, then a crash
- A ‘yeah, but’ voice when things go well
- Reasons that really belong to someone else
- Stopping the moment it feels hard
How to stay motivated after the first rush
Motivation is not a fuel tank you fill once. It rises and falls, and that is normal. The people who keep going are rarely the most motivated. They are the ones who have made a few habits automatic, so they do not need to feel inspired to do them.
Two things help motivation last. The first is reasons that are your own and that you can picture clearly: more energy for things you enjoy, feeling at ease in your clothes, saying yes to a long walk with friends. A vivid picture of the life you want pulls far harder than a number on a scale.
The second is less pressure. It sounds backwards, but turning the pressure down often turns the follow-through up. ‘I have to’ tends to invite rebellion, while ‘I get to’ invites curiosity. If you recognise the push and crash pattern, my guides on why willpower runs out and on the parts of you that disagree go further into it.
Effort and willpower still have a role. The aim is to spend them on a few small habits, rather than using them all up on a strict plan that wears you out.
Something to try: ask the saboteur what it wants
Think of the last time you undid a good run. Picture the moment just before it happened. Then ask that part of you, kindly, as you would ask a friend: ‘What were you trying to do for me?’ Wait for an answer. It might be rest, comfort, rebellion, fun or simply a break from trying.
Whatever comes up, thank it. Then ask: ‘Is there a way to give you that which I would still feel good about tomorrow?’ Write down one idea, even a small one, such as a proper evening off with no food rules, or a walk with a friend when you need a lift.
You are not trying to defeat this part. You are trying to get it on your side. Many people find the urge to sabotage gets quieter once its real need is being met in another way.
Episodes to listen to
These sessions come at self-sabotage and motivation from three sides: the part that rebels, the feeling of deserving, and a future worth heading for.
Weight Loss Hypnosis to be Free of the Perfectionism Trap
This session works with two parts that often take turns: the perfectionist who sets a strict plan and the comfort seeker who calls time on it. After cutting loose from old emotional baggage on a kayak trip, they agree on steady progress instead of push and crash.
Good if you push hard, then crash, and call yourself lazy for it.
Deserving to Lose Weight: Weight Loss Hypnotherapy
A run-down house is restored before it looks perfect, and a wilting flower comes back with water and light. The idea is that you do not need to earn care: your body deserves looking after now, and change follows from that.
Good if you have a part that does not feel you deserve to change.
Winning the Game of Weight Loss
You watch two versions of yourself over many years on a mountain golf course, one stuck in frustration and one counting progress as a win, and choose which to become. It finishes by asking you to take one small action straight away, while the motivation is fresh.
Good if your motivation fades once the first rush has gone.
Common questions
Why do I self-sabotage my weight loss?
Usually because a part of you is trying to meet a need, such as rest, comfort or relief from pressure, and food is the quickest way it knows. It can also come from not quite feeling you deserve to change. Understanding the need behind it tends to work better than fighting it.
How do I stay motivated to lose weight?
Make your reasons your own and picture them clearly, then turn a few choices into habits so you are not relying on motivation every day. Expect motivation to dip, and plan for those times rather than treating them as failure. Lower pressure often helps you keep going for longer.
Can hypnosis help with motivation and self-sabotage?
Hypnosis can help you explore the part of you that sabotages, and rehearse a clearer picture of what you want, in a relaxed state. It is not a medical treatment and it does not suit everyone. Many people find it a helpful way to work on the feelings that sit underneath motivation.
Please read
Hypnosis works with habits, feelings and attention. It is not medical treatment and does not replace your GP. If you have, or think you may have, an eating disorder, or you are pregnant, diabetic or taking any prescribed medication, please speak to your GP first. Beat, the UK eating disorder charity, is on 0808 801 0677. The podcast sessions are for adults: listen somewhere comfortable, never while driving. If the push and crash pattern involves restricting hard, bingeing or feeling out of control around food, it may be more than a habit, and the right first step is your GP or Beat, the UK eating disorder charity, on 0808 801 0677.
Where to go from here
Listen on The Hypnotist Podcast
Every session above is free to hear on The Hypnotist Podcast.
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